Alone (a moment)

Alone, in a room lit only with the flickering of a dozen burning candles, a man stands and slowly dances, his arms extended, curved, holding in their emptiness nothing more than a ghost, the memory of that which he once held most dear. The only real love of his life. But she is here with him no more. Perlman's violin plays the melody that stretches the ache within him beyond mortality. The song he danced to, with her, in this very room, amid these very candles, times beyond count, every one distinct and precious to him, more so than his very own breath. He would give up that breath if he could, gratefully, in the longing of his desire, an exchange in time, to have her here for one more song. One last dance, again.

LibraryThing

Look over there, on the right side. See that big pile of book covers? those are 50 of my favorite books, randomly chosen and in random order. Pretty cool, huh? I even uploaded a couple of those covers myself (Merton's Conjectures and MacDonald's Day Boy Night Girl). That must mean I have a rare edition of those books if no one else put those covers up yet. or it just means no one has cared as of yet. either way, Library Thing is cool. I'm not gonna pay for the service or anything because I'm broke, but you should. 25 bucks for a lifetime membership to make an all-you-can-eat list of books. I'm limited to 200, so my list will ultimately be my top 200 (similar to my first blog entry waaaayy down at the bottom of this tower of entries). This thing even tells you who else has a library similar to yours. You can meet people who read the same stuff you read without ever having to go to the bookstore like a nerdy stalker saying "hey baby...whatcha reading there?" to some freaked out stranger. People relinquish their privacy voluntarily around here. it's a virtual voyeurs paradise. [end commercial announcement]

UPDATE: after all that, I had to delete the code from my template because, for some reason, it started giving me problems - my blog would only load up to the bottom of the "stack" of book pictures. If you want to look at the books in my library, you can go look me up at Librarything (user name Brookd), or you can come over and look at them "live and in person". but you can't borrow any, so don't even think about it!

Heal it up ("'cause the years have not been kind...")

The years pass by and nothing seems to change. Dreams slip away, dreams we once considered central to our identity. Those dreams die, and now our identity is centered on death. We are dead inside, clinging to the dreams of another lifetime ago. Wanting to move on, we feel stuck, wanting this to work out before we move on to the next. But this never does, and now we see the end in sight of a life that has never really begun. Youth seems only a moment ago, and it always does, for everyone, until the very end. Look in the mirror and who do you see? One day, an old person you barely recognize. Where did my life go? What did I do with the time I had? Does anybody ever really have a good answer to these questions? I don't, and I suspect you barely do either. Life is nothing but a dress rehearsal. We learn our lines after the play is over. We stumble and struggle until then. Or we don't. and in the end, it really doesn't matter, does it? We all get to be dirt in the ground. Unless you believe in a God who grants an Afterlife or a Judgement, Condemnation, Reward, Heaven and Hell. And the Resurrection. And why do we think anything will be different then? We are deaf and dumb, as in stupid and ignorant and lost. And God is saying...nothing.

The deaf claim they've heard Him and the blind have seen His Glory, and the twisted tongues of the mute and mentally ill tell us exactly what we must do to be saved, as they are. They tell us what God Himself has said to those who have no ears to hear and shown to those without sense or sight or mind. And they are right, they know, for they are empty and forsaken in this world, and they have nothing left but the word of God to cling to, to hope in and rely on. The rest of us have it all figured out and are safe and secure in our place on this sinking stinking ship. We know we are sinking, but at least we know something. They know nothing and so cling to nothing and so can be pulled out more readily. Death is as nothing to them that have already died.

Look around you. Who makes you squirm? Who do you hate? Who do you avoid? Who is just plain weird, a nuisance, a pain in the neck and a thorn in your flesh? Who would you rather do without in your life? Who would you not miss if you never saw them again? Look closely. That person is quite possibly God's agent, saving your very soul.

(Or maybe they just need a swift kick in the ass)

Pick up a dead and dried out twig, good for nothing but fire kindling. Stick it in some sand, and water it every day, care for it, until it blossoms into a beautiful tree. In this way you will learn how to be like Christ. The twig may never bloom, but you just might end up coming back to life.